A guide to Nigeria for Non-Nigerians and Nigerians
10 guidelines to knowing and understanding Nigeria and Nigerians.
1. PRAYERFUL/RELIGIOUS
Are you prayerful and religious, and I don't mean just believing in God or going to your place of worship now and then, nah, how often do you go, as a Nigerian you're expected to go everyday Mon to Sunday, mornings, afternoons and evenings, not forgetting about the frequent vigils too.
Hope you pray for good roads, clean water, semi stable electricity, getting admitted to college, that you get that promotion or salary increase you so deserve and maybe winning a court case or getting justice.
Hope you respect, honor and believe your religious leaders more than your parents, spouse or relatives, you give them as much of your income as they require, when ill you go to them instead of a healthcare or medical practicioner, you defend and fight for them even when they're blatantly wrong.
2. MORONIC LEADERS
Are your government leaders and officials morons, slow and imbecilic. Are they without a clue on how to run a country or a WhatsApp or Facebook group even. Are they more occupied with stealing and stocking government funds in hidden houses, underground, foreign countries and bank accounts.
When tens and hundreds of people are killed do they come out, cry publicly and ask the citizens to fast and pray and seek the face of God. Do they, their family and friends go abroad for good healthcare services and to enjoy a sane system while depriving their countries of all these.
3. DEAD EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM
Are your educational systems, schools, and colleges dead and moribund. Do they use outdated and ancient teaching practices and methods, while also teaching outdated things and theories. Do your lecturers sleep with and extort their students before passing them while also failing entire classes and also boasting about it too.
Do masters and doctoral programmes take up to 8 years and more, 10, 20 even.
Do younger school children pray and sing for hours on an assembly ground every morning before classes and then majority sleep off in class thereafter.
4. DEAD HEALTHCARE SERVICES
Are your doctors and nurses insensitive and desensitized to patient pains and sufferings. Rush in an emergency patient and they leisurely ask you for payments first, then that you go buy needed drugs and other things such as syringe, drips, blood packs for treatment and also when needed that you go bring a police report too.
Do you have nurses that talk down on patients, give wrong medications on wrong body parts causing permanent and grave injuries without remorse.
And not forgetting also having numerous quack healthcare practices and medical practicioners.
5. NO BASIC AMENITIES
Do you lack good roads, drainages, clean or pipeborne water, stable electricity, good data and network services.
When it rains are your roads and streets flooded, due to refuse and no drainages. Do you pay exorbitantly for electricity supply you see for few hours each day, sometimes not even for days, weeks and months, with constant heat and mosquitoes being your partners.
You get your water from wells or dig a borehole yourself to serve you and your family.
Your network and data services belong to the 19th century, you use hours and days to download a movie or document of 1gb in size.
6. POLICE AND MILITARY
Do your police and military flog, beat and kill citizens without provocation and the law and authorities never holding them to answer for it.
Are they very corrupt and inept, hated by the citizens too. Do they kill innocent citizens without provocation and those too whom refuse to bribe and make payments to them for one reason or another, put a gun on the corpse and declare him/her an armed robber, killed in gunfight with them.
Are they envious, ill trained, illiterates, ill equipped and lily livered, that when you put an emergency call across to them about a robbery, you only see them hours after the robbers are gone, then they arrest innocent people around who must thereafter pay hefty bails to be free.
Do citizens generally despise, curse and wish them no good.
7. CORRUPTION
Is your environment, country, office place and almost everyone around you corrupt. Do you pay bribes to get anything and everything done, to have an audience with a government official or to carry out a social reform or duty.
Do you pay bribes from the airports to seaports, from offices to offices, institutions to institutions, government officials to government officials.
Is corruption welcomed and institutionalized, do people infact take it as their entitlement.
Do you wish to carry out a community project for the benefit of the people, yet you're turned down, that before doing so you've to pay from the top down to the bottom.
8. ELECTIONS
Are your elections do or die affairs, thuggery, ballot box snatching, burning of ballots, killings, amputations, vote buying all the order of the day.
Fools with the influence, fund and means but no concrete plans on government running as candidates, and more fools bought and paid to vote them in.
Is election rigging commonplace that a lot of people don't even bother turning up to cast their votes.
The thugs and dimwits used to achieve all well paid and highly recognized even more than important honest citizens and the tools given to them for such nefarious purposes left to them to run amok with.
9. MASS EMIGRATION
Are majority of the people you know looking for a way out of the country, even if into countries you never knew existed before or having heard about.
Selling all they have to leave the country or going to give birth abroad so at least their kids are citizens of other countries, both the poor, rich, government leaders alike.
No one truly having any love for another except on the grounds of tribe, religion, ethnicity, political party and other ties.
Are there never reducing queues and people sleeping around at embassies in your country just to obtain visas and a means to flee the country, getting scammed, paying huge amounts too.
10. TIRED
Are you tired, tired of your life, of being jobless, being afraid of your life always, tired of your country, nothing working, your life been almost meaningless. Are you and other people around you frustrated, always angry and capable of doing anything to survive and get through another day.
Do you wish to travel the world and see amazing places, see the Northern lights even but can't because you have no money or job or even your next meal, and no country would even issue you a visa because you are from ******.
Do you wish you were never born into your country of birth, afraid of just living and dying meaninglessly,
If all these hold true for you, then wonder no more you're a Nigerian and a Nigerian indeed.
D.N.A
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